Monday, October 31, 2016

don't turn around.

You're sitting on your couch, watching some rerun of a TV show.

You should be out trick-or-treating, but you didn't want to this year.

And besides, you're 16 now- that's little kid stuff.

As the episode draws to a close, you start to drift off into a slumber.

Suddenly you are jolted awake by a terrible pounding on your front door.

You're alone in the house, and don't know if you should answer it.

You decide to stay on your couch until the pounding goes away.

Until a knife blade slices through the wall, nearly missing the painting that your parents put up there years ago.

Oh, your parents- where were they?

They were supposed to go to dinner and a movie for Halloween and come right home, but that was five hours ago now.

And the knife blade is still stuck in the door.

Suddenly, the window next to you breaks open and a shower of glass sprays on you.

You scream and jump off the couch.

A hooded figure has entered the room.

"BACK AWAY!" you scream.

"Come with us." the hooded figure chants in a dreamy-like monotone.

"Who's us?!" you say in a panic.

"Us." the hooded figure replies.

You run into the kitchen and grab a kitchen knife, the biggest one your mom owns.

You whip around, ready for a fight, but the hooded figure has disappeared.

You stand there, panting with the knife in your hands, sweating onto its sharp metal blade.

Then you put it back and search the house for the hooded figure, but it is nowhere in sight.

You start to relax again, still tense from the experience.

As you sweep up the broken glass, you think of what you will tell your parents.

You decide that it's time to go to bed and head upstairs.

As you crawl into your bed, exhausted, you start to relax a little.

You roll over and see the hooded figure in your bed with you.

Your scream is muffled when he grabs you and puts a piece of rough cloth over your mouth.

As more hooded figures pour out from the orifices of your room, you start to black out. The last thing you hear is "You are one of us. You always were."

Sunday, October 30, 2016

WORLD ANIMAL DAY AND SNEEZING GECKOS!

So here it is. Finally, the post you've been waiting for for a whole month. Again, I'm terribly sorry that it took me this long to get it out. (At least I did that Bill Watterson thing while you guys were waiting!) I kinda lost the will to post for a while, I really didn't feel like writing a post, and you'll see that in the beginning. It gets better as it goes along- I started this on October 1st and ended it on October 30th. But a whole month of writing and revising makes for a very long post, which it is! I hope you'll appreciate that. It might be my longest post ever. But anyway! Enough rambling! Here it is!

HELLO JAMMERS!! Do you know what month it is? IT'S OCTOBER! As you have known. For the last month. (Sorry again.) And that means things are about to get spooooky up in here! First off, it's Halloween over in Animal Jam land!
Oooh, there's a shiver up me spine! Tis October, eh? YEE HAW, ME HARTEYS! Oh dear, I think I just had Pirate O Tophia. It's a disease that can infect anyone. Save yourself from Pirate O Tophia, please! Anyway, let's look at the spooky items. Here is just a smattering of them!
I know which one is my favorite.
Really, Animal Jam? A box head? Well, I'll take it! "What are you dressed as for Halloween, little boy?" "A box. Just a box." I think they miiiight be running out of ideas for Halloween costumes after 6 years. Well, that's alright! We have a new Jamaa Journal to look at!
Well would you look at that! Lemurs are here! Let's go check out what they look like.
That is...quite a facial expression! He looks like he's just been through hell. "YOU DOn't WANNA SEE WHAT I'Ve sEEN, MAN..." Jeesh! Apparently lemurs have gone through World War III to get to Animal Jam.
Well, that got very creepy very fast! Just how I like it! Also, on a random side note, I put up the AJP Halloween background for 2016!
Isn't it cute? It's kinda like the 2013 Halloween potato!
Which one do you like better? Leave that in the comments below! Anyway, let's get back to the Jamaa Journal.
Nice! A new adventure! "The Front Lines". Sounds cool! I like all the 2D adventures Animal Jam is making lately! They're new and fresh. Freshalicious. Freshy wika! WIKA FRESH! That's my stage name. Come to see Wika Fresh live tomorrow! I will be performing on top of a dumpster. You'll know it when you see it. It looks like this:
What on earth was I talking about? Good lord, I get distracted easily! Oh right, the Jamaa Journal. Now you can like Masterpieces! So Animal Jam is becoming like Instagram. That's kinda what they always do.
They can't just be themselves. HAVE SOME ORIGINALITY, ANIMAL JAM! Sorry. I got a little too crazy there. It's alright, Animal Jam. You're doing great. But I don't really like the new Masterpiece liking feature. People become obsessed with likes, just like they do on other sites. Plus it kind of establishes a hierarchy. So I don't really like that. But I'm off my soap box now! Onto the rest of the JJ!
Oh look, they got a new conservationist on the Animal Jam team! Nice! Maybe Brady Barr and Tierney Thys were getting lonely. Although I doubt her last name is actually Wild. That can't be true! That must be just what she calls herself. That's her stage name. Like WIKA FRESH! Be sure to be at that dumpster tomorrow night! Actually don't. Because I won't be there. Because I TRICKED YOU ALL!! Okay, back to the subject. The new conservationist Gabby! Gabby is an unusual name. Come to think of it, all of the Animal Jam conservationists have unusual names. I've never heard of Tierney or Brady. I think I've heard Gabby once before. On an episode of Sesame Street. But their names make them unique! And that's what makes them special™ Also, you can now get an adoption certificate for all your pets! Here's the certificate for one of my pets:
Apparently I have a sneezy gecko. Well that's just great! I hope it doesn't sneeze on-
Bless you! Here's a tissue for you, geck-
Goodness! Well, the certificate did say you were sneezy-
GECKO!
STOP!
 Jeez, how many sneezes does this gecko have-
STOP! It is time to stop, gecko! That is quite enough sneezing for one day! Goodness. Alright, are you done? Good. Now we can move on to other thi-
AARRRGGHH!! This gecko is driving me crazy! You know what, gecko? I'm going to give you some allergy medicine so you stop sneezing. Yeah! That's a good plan! Here you go, gecko!
That's better! I bet your sneezing will be cleared up now, gecko. But wait! What is this?
WHAT?! It doesn't know when my gecko was adopted? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I obviously adopted him on April 16th, 2015!!
See? That is an excerpt from "HUMONGOUS NEWS (updated)" (clickbait title I know), which was published on April 16th, 2015. Apparently Animal Jam doesn't know that. Well ha! I am smarter than Animal Jam! I have lived for this moment all my life. Alright, let's move on from this sneezy gecko! It's time for some spooky fun in the Jamaa Journal!
Look at that spookarrific page! Now you can get pet phantoms?! Say whaaat! Wait, I thought we were supposed to be fighting against the phantoms. Now we're domesticating them? Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, I guess! Let's lo on to Animal Jam to check them ooooouUUWOAH! That's different!
How long has that been there?! I haven't logged in to Animal Jam in at least a week and a half, so I seriously don't know. You gotta tell me when these things happen, man! Well, I guess that is my job as the blogging person. UGH. Fine, I'll log into Animal Jam more frequently. But because I want to, not because you told me to! Cause I'm a defiant little rebel. Okee smokee, what was I going to do? Right! Check on those pet phantoms! Well, that is not going to happen because Animal Jam is straight-up broken for me. Like look at this:
It says I have 6 new Jam-a-Grams, right? Well, when I try to click on those...
It says I don't have any mail. Well, what about those 6 unread Jam-a-Grams, Animal Jam?! Ya crazy lunatic. Also, whenever I try to click on anything, like a store or my profile, I get the Infinite Spinny Wheel of Death. So that rules out looking at the pet phantoms. Just my luck, too! They'll probably be gone by the time Animal Jam decides to stop being a pooper poo! Wait, how long will they be there, AJ?
Gosh diggity darn it, Animal Jam. Just when I had my hopes up. Well, onto the other pages! Here's another spooky page:
Ooh! I have one of those! The Epic Haunted Manors. I bought one last year! They're basically like a more upgraded version of the Epic Haunted Mansion. It has the slob tree!
Hey, slob tree, what's good? Also, Bitter Sweets is a cool Adventure. This is its third year, I believe. Oh, I have a story about Bitter Sweets! Story time, kids! So,  in 2014, when Bitter Sweets was not yet released (it was called "TBA" at the time) I kind of did a bad.
I posted a post called "My Theory About the TBA Adventure" pretty late on 9/19/2014, and it was pretty popular. I got three responses within the first hour and a half, which was quite good! Well, one of those comments was from a cool person named RonenTheGamer, who had taken the pictures that I used in the post (the "TBA Adventure" was unfinished, and therefore rare to get into, so I couldn't get pictures myself.) So I used his pictures without permission, which was a very stupid thing to do. Always ask for permission before using someone's content! Whether it's art, writing, music, or even screenshots- ya still gotta ask permission. After that, I immediately put up an update on bthe top of the post crediting Ronen, but that was still no excuse. So don't ever do that kids! A lesson from Neros. Alright, it's time to get...
Hey, I've used that joke before! Oh yeah, it was last Halloween, on Back to the Future Day!
Well, a week late. Because I'm not good at posting on time. (as you can tell.) But there's something special about that! Friday was the 1 year anniversary of Back to the Future Day: October 21st, 2015. That was the day that Marty McFly and Doc Brown went to in Back to the Future 2. In that movie, the baseball team the Cubs won the World Series, but that did not end up happening last year. However, exactly one year later, on October 21st, 2016, they did win it! Right date, wrong year, Back to the Future. And I know you don't really care about sports because I don't either, but they haven't won the World Series in 71 years. So it's kind of a big deal. Anyway, that was my nerdy little rant, and now it's time to ACTUALLY get back to the post!
Oh wow, there's a whole bunch of new names! 2.5 MILLION combinations?! Dang! Well, none of them are as good as Fuzzy Cutesailor.
Really? They added "Kawaii"? What is this, a site for 7-year old girls? Sorry, there are just some words that really irk me, and "kawaii" is one of them. Also "yaaass". Never say that on this blog. Please. And don't have names like this:
SWAGGY KAWAIIPOTATO?! OH GOD WHY! Why did Animal Jam do this?! I am going to die cringing! Sorry. But it's true! Okay, my rant is done. To get to the other side of this page of the Jamaa Journal, there are Phantom Portals in every single land this time, instead of just Crystal Sands, Jamaa Township and Mt. Shiveer. Yay! Let's go find all of them!
Here is one on a mountain at the top of Mt. Shiveer!
Here's one next to the Flag Shop in Sarepia Forest.
Here's one that was trying to hide from me, in the back of the Conservation Museum in Appondale!
Here is one at the very bottom of Kimbara Outback, all the way to the left.
Here is one by the hibiscus plant and the Chamber of Knowledge in Lost Temple of Zios.
Here's one right by where the tapir walks, by the cave, in Crystal Sands.
Here's one on the left side of the bridge in Coral Canyons....
And here's one at the very bottom of Jamaa Township! Well, that concludes the official...
Yeah, I know. That poster is not my best work. Well, I'm tired and my drawing tablet isn't charged. So that's why. Anyway! Let's actually play the darn game instead of just looking for the portals!
So if you aren't familiar with the game, a phantom comes out from the shadows and tries to get your candy. You have to stop him from doing that by chasing him with your torch into the blue light. It looks like this:
Also, the phantom has a great death scene. It looks a little bit like an alien invasion.
The DEATH OF A PHANTOOOOM!
But you'll notice this game is called "Phantoms", not "Phantom". And here is why! If you successfully make him die a grusesome death, then more phantoms come!
In case you can't see, there's another phantom way at the top there. I call him Sneaky Bill because he tries to hide from me.
Anyway, each level progresses by one phantom. For example, level 2 has 2 phantoms, level 3 has 3 phantoms, and so on. Sometimes it gets pretty tricky, trying to deal with several phantoms at once.
You have to be a good multi-tasker to play this game well! Some Jammers are experts at this game and are able to get tons of gems from it. I'm alright at it, I think my highest level that I've gotten to is level 10. Anyway, once you beat level 5, a special surprise awaits you.
Every year, they give out a spooky phantom-themed item when you beat level 5 of Phantoms! In 2010, the prize was a Scarecrow. In 2011, the prize was a Tall Phantom Statue (like the one in Jamaa Township).
In 2012, the prize was a Phantom Fountain.
In 2013, the prize was a Heavy Phantom Statue.
In 2014, the prize was a Phantom Scarecrow.
In 2015, the prize was a Phantom Archway.
And I got 'em all out in my front yard, baby! Along with all my pets!
I am a very irresponsible pet owner. Maybe I shouldn't leave all my pets out in my front lawn. In a haunted mansion. Well, they'll be fine! Let's move onto this year's prize, the Spooky Trapdoor!
There it is. I wonder what's in it? A phantom? A boob? No, I don't think Animal Jam would allow that. Why did that suddenly come into my mind?! Anyway, let's just open it and find out!
OH MY GOSH! IT'S SEPTICEYE SAM! I didn't know you were in there, Sam! How've you been? Did you escape Ireland to run away from Jacksepticeye so you could join the magical world of Animal Jam? Yeah, I think so. Look at him! With his green eye and everything. Do you reckon that the Animal Jam artists actually based that off of Septiceye Sam? (If you don't know what that is, look up Jacksepticeye on YouTube. Septiceye Sam is kind of his mascot/logo/best friend.) Anyway, I have talked enough about the Phantoms! game.  Onto more spooktacular goodness!!
Now this is interesting! This is something I've been itching to talk about for a while. Not the Haunted Forest Party. I mean, it's great and all, but I'm not able to go to one. There isn't one right now, plus my Animal Jam's kinda broken. (More on that in a later post.) So here, have a picture of it from 2014! Yaaay!

Wait. Do I seriously not have a single picture of the Haunted Forest Party? I looked through all 3 photo folders on my computer (why do I have 3? Long story.) and I couldn't find a single one. Let's Google it and see if I've put any on here.
Nope. It looks like I've never taken a single picture of the Haunted Forest Party. Well, that's going to change! I hereby declare that I WILL take a picture of that party this year! If the next one wasn't in an hour and 50 minutes.
*sigh* Time to be like Aaron Burr and wait for it. But enough about that! Onto what I REALLY wanted to get into, which is World Animal Day! This is a really cool holiday and I like to talk about it every year. In fact, I posted right on World Animal Day 2 years in a row!
Look at that! Also, my 2014 post got half as many views. WHY?! Anyway, World Animal Day is a mission around the world dedicated to getting justice and awareness for animals. Because animals are great. Aren't they? What's your favorite animal? Mine is a cheetah. Also, there is a single item about World Animal Day in Animal Jam. It returns every year. It's the World Animal Day Banner!
I know, inventive name, right? But it is a cute banner. Also, it was on October 4th. I maaay be 3 weeks late, but shush! Okay, onto more exciting endeavors, like THE HAUNTED FOREST PARTY!! IT'S FINALLY HERE! I waited that hour and 50 minutes and I got the party I deserve! So, are you guys ready to see the first screenshot I ever took of the Haunted Forest Party? HERE IT IS!
As you can see (or *finger guns* can't see! Ha! PUNS), I have become an invisible eagle! An invisibeagle! No. That's an invisible beagle.

I don't want an invisibeagle! (Although Spooky Snoopy would be a good Halloween costume.) That is what you turn into at the Haunted Forest Party! No, not Spooky Snoopy. Invisible is what you turn into! Then you can go around and scare people!
It's a very fun adventure. Also, here's some more pictures of the Haunted Forest Party!
It's a factory that gives you a moon!
It's a smiling tree that turns you into an invisibeagle!
Ooh, spooky fence and trees! Look at that mist!
Aaand that's all the pictures I have because I wandered out of the party and couldn't get back in. So until next year, that's it for the Haunted Forest Party! Yeah! Onto other things. Like polar bears!
Yay, polar bears are back! (I didn't even know they were gone.) I remember when they first came out!
It was November 5th, 2014. Polar bears had just been announced in the Jamaa Journal. It was an exciting day!
A few weeks later, on November 20th, polar bears were released and my dreams came true. I just love polar bears.
Mmm, polar bears.
Beautiful polar bears.
I just love 'em. Don't you? They're great. OKAY, I'm out of weird crazy polar bear-obsessed person! They truly are amazing animals in real life, but don't get near one. It would probably kill you.
But look how cute they are!! Aww. It's hard to imagine that something that adorable can kill things so fiercely. But they can, so I'm going to not meet one in real life! That is my goal. Although you can see polar bears in zoos, and that is nice! Although on Animal Jam, I don't really like how they animated them.
Yes, I did just use the same picture twice in a row. SHUT UP!!
They're kind of clunky, don't you agree? They made them awkward. But it is nice that they can go both on land and on water.
Still pretty awkward. But that's okay! Alright, it's time to stop talking about polar bears. END OF FLASHBACK!
ALRIGHTY! Onto the next page!
Niiice! They made a party just for Masterpieces to be displayed! And look, I found one in my parties list already!
Let's wait that 3 hours and go to that party.
DING! Time to go! Alright, what have we here?
Oh nice! It's like an art gallery in real life, where there's benches and signs and you sit or stand and look at the art. That's pretty great! Here are some of my favorite pieces.
Oh look, someone made a Doctor Who Weeping Angel painting! Awesome! I went as a weeping angel for Halloween 2014. That is pretty neat. Also, 3,000 likes?! That's crazy town!
Wow. That is amazing. It looks like a picture from the actual movie. That is insane. Congratulations to SS, because that is a work of ART! Speaking of, have y'all seen Finding Dory yet? If you haven't, you really should, it's a great movie. (Also, this one got 61,000 likes. That is a third of the number of views this blog has. Holy potato!)
Aww, that's a really good dog! I love all the different colored brushstrokes and the contouring. This must have taken AGES to draw, especially with Animal Jam's crappy drawing software. 42,000 likes. The answer to life, the universe and everything. That's a good number to have!
And then there's this.

Why, Animal Jam? Why? This is what happens when you become too famous. I can't believe this scribble has more likes than the dog! That is injustice. (Why on earth would this get 45,000 likes in the first place?! Good lord!)
But, out of all of them, this has to be my favorite. The sheer artistic beauty of this one just rings true- it could be labeled as one of the best art works of the century. I love the vibrant tones, the exquisite use of color, and the... drugs used to create this. Oh god. It has all my favorite dank memes! Spoderman, Doriters, Monutian Dwe, Deal With It, and the Illuminati. It's missing Shrek though. But I'll let that slide! In real life though, this is actually very good. I would never in a million years be able to create something this dank on Animal Jam's Painting. Here's an example of my artistic abilities:
I know. Someone should give me a medal, I'm so good at drawing. Well that's it for today's post! It was very long, and it took me a whole month to write it, but I did it! I succeeded! But it's not over yet! It's time for our MEMEOFTHEDAY!!
So... this is a thing that's on my computer. And I'm not sure why! This is actually one of the internet's oldest memes. No one really knows who took the picture or who that is, but by the people in the background I'm guessing it's at a parade. (Oooh, I could figure out the date of this picture like I did for the Bill Watterson one! But I'll leave that for another post, at another time.) This meme was first posted to 4chan in 2004, and then, as all memes do, moved to Reddit, which moved to Tumblr, which moved to Instagram, which moved back to 4chan, and all around the internet. It's crazy town! (I love that expression.) Anyway, it's just a really funny meme and I laugh at it every time. I think that grandma will haunt my dreams forever. But that does it for today! I hope you enjoyed this megapost. I enjoyed writing it, for a month. See y'all next time!

And just you wait until tomorrow.
~

Pet Rules

Oh hey, you've made it to the bottom of the page. Well, now that you're here, it's now your responsibility to make sure the pets get fed. So:
1. Feed Pete 2 or 3 fish. DON'T FEED HIM MORE THAN THAT!! He'll fall over!
2. Over on the Fun Stuff page, feed the fishes about 15 pieces of food (5 clicks) Don't let the red one eat all the food! She's very greedy.
3. And finally, feed Rosie who is also on the Fun Stuff page. She needs about 2 apples and 1 piece of broccoli every day. She loves being brushed, so you should pet her with the brush too!

That's all! Now go feed them. THEY'RE HUNGRY. Oh, and by the way did I mention they need these daily?